Comments on: ALLIGATOR FORCEPS http://www.metalhandtools.com/alligator-forceps/ Sat, 06 Nov 2010 06:21:21 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Hammock Rider http://www.metalhandtools.com/alligator-forceps/comment-page-1/#comment-91 Hammock Rider Thu, 24 Dec 2009 06:21:08 +0000 http://www.metalhandtools.com/metal-hand-tools/alligator-forceps/#comment-91 As the head janitor/cook at Cousin Augie's Gator Farm, Funeral Home and Truck Stop, I'm often called upon to render medical services to both the living and the dead. And while I very much enjoy the peaceful and profitable aspects( gold fillings anyone?) of the Embalminary Arts & Sciences, there is nothing like bringing a new life into this world. These excellent forceps make that job so much easier. <br /> <br /> Thanks to tv most people think the hardest part of delivering a baby alligator is cutting the umbrellical cord, and brother it ain't easy. The old time gator ranchers used their bare teeth, but that lead to alot of infections(baby gator) and dismemberments(gator rancher). Nowadays a modern gator rancher is like to use a blowtorch or shotgun to blast that cord in half. It's a real snap! <br /> <br />No sir the hardest part is gettin the little critter outta his mama's woo-hoo. See, he's curled up in there, all cozy and warm and he don't want to come out to the blazing sun, dank wind and my cheap whiskey breath, so you got to encourage him. I don't know if you ever jammed your hands into a pregnant momma gator's hoo hoo dilly what with all them hungry, slavering jaws in there, but let's just say there's a reason alotta gator ranchers used to go by the name of Stumpy. <br /> <br />But that don't hardly happen no more. Alls you do nowadays is you grab yonder gator with these forceps, tug him out and wing him over to your clean-up man( Hi Ferd!) who washes the baby off, shines his new baby skin all up, saws off its head and grinds it's little body up into a fine powder that I ship off to China to make weiner enhancement medicine( Dummies, everybody knows it's stewed Elderberry root what does the job!) Of course we always keep a few big ones for breeding stock and if any of them are really vicious we'll put'em aside and grow'em up so they can take on Aunt Clara in the Wrasslin' Ring of Doom. <br /> <br />Maybe it's not old-fashioned enough for you, but all I know is I'm losing less fingers and selling more weiner powder than ever, and mister, that's just GOTTA be good for the economy!!!!! As the head janitor/cook at Cousin Augie’s Gator Farm, Funeral Home and Truck Stop, I’m often called upon to render medical services to both the living and the dead. And while I very much enjoy the peaceful and profitable aspects( gold fillings anyone?) of the Embalminary Arts & Sciences, there is nothing like bringing a new life into this world. These excellent forceps make that job so much easier.

Thanks to tv most people think the hardest part of delivering a baby alligator is cutting the umbrellical cord, and brother it ain’t easy. The old time gator ranchers used their bare teeth, but that lead to alot of infections(baby gator) and dismemberments(gator rancher). Nowadays a modern gator rancher is like to use a blowtorch or shotgun to blast that cord in half. It’s a real snap!

No sir the hardest part is gettin the little critter outta his mama’s woo-hoo. See, he’s curled up in there, all cozy and warm and he don’t want to come out to the blazing sun, dank wind and my cheap whiskey breath, so you got to encourage him. I don’t know if you ever jammed your hands into a pregnant momma gator’s hoo hoo dilly what with all them hungry, slavering jaws in there, but let’s just say there’s a reason alotta gator ranchers used to go by the name of Stumpy.

But that don’t hardly happen no more. Alls you do nowadays is you grab yonder gator with these forceps, tug him out and wing him over to your clean-up man( Hi Ferd!) who washes the baby off, shines his new baby skin all up, saws off its head and grinds it’s little body up into a fine powder that I ship off to China to make weiner enhancement medicine( Dummies, everybody knows it’s stewed Elderberry root what does the job!) Of course we always keep a few big ones for breeding stock and if any of them are really vicious we’ll put’em aside and grow’em up so they can take on Aunt Clara in the Wrasslin’ Ring of Doom.

Maybe it’s not old-fashioned enough for you, but all I know is I’m losing less fingers and selling more weiner powder than ever, and mister, that’s just GOTTA be good for the economy!!!!!

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